Journal Topic #12

Someone I Love Passed Away

About a year and a half ago David's grandfather "Papi" passed away. I love Papi. Papi is from Cuba and didn't speak much English, especially after his first stroke. But every time he would see me he would say very warmly "HELLO!" and I would give him a hug and kiss and say "HI Papi! ¿Cómo estás?" and he would usually answer "Estoy bien. Y tu?" (unless he really didn't feel well and then he would say "ehhh" and put a flat hand out and move it side to side) and I would say "Bien, graicas". And we smile and nod because neither of us could say much more. Once in a while he would ask me a question about one of the baby's. But I would answer him in English and he would just smile and I could see he didn't know what I was saying.

Sometimes he would feel well enough to join the family for dinner. David's brother Ken would tell a funny story and I would be cracking up laughing. My laughing always made Papi laugh, even if he didn't know what was so funny. My mother in law, Ines, would translate the story for him afterwards. But to me, the part he enjoyed wasn't the story, it was all of us laughing together.

Papi had several kids. I wish I could say exactly how many. He also had several wives... I think 3... unfortunately they weren't the kindest women and I believe 2 cheated on Papi and 1 of them was pretty good but she was a sort of "maid" for her family and they had a lot of will power over her. They didn't like it when she got married and stopped being their maid. So her family came between her and Papi. Papi didn't like the way they treated her but she was blind to it and eventually she left him to go back to living with her family and being their maid (I hope I'm getting that story right).

Papi was one of the kindest souls I've ever met. I didn't need to speak his language to feel his sweet spirit. For a living he refurnished furniture. He was extremely talented at it. He had his own shop/store in Cuba but then Castro came with his communism and changed everything. His store was taken from him and 'given to the people'. You had to have the career the government gave you after that and Papi became a police man for a little while. Eventually he came to the United States to live with Ines and my father in law Ken. I think he started working again refurnishing furniture.

He smoked for much of his life and after he got lung cancer he quit. I lived with them (my in-laws and Papi) for the first year and a half of my marriage. I heard Papi cough painfully all day and all night long every single day. He took several breathing treatments throughout the day. My mother-in-law is a saint and took care of him. He had several strokes but kept pressing forward. He got to meet two of my three children, and loved them dearly. One year we all evacuated Houston because of a hurricane. We were in the car for over 72 hours because of the traffic jams. Papi didn't complain at all. I know it must have been a hard trip for him because if my legs and joints were hurting from sitting in that car for so long, I can't imagine what his felt like.

It was incredibly sad when he died, at the same time I felt such a sense of relief for him, knowing he wouldn't be in pain and struggling to breath every day. I *think* he was 86 years old when he died. I remember the day. I had stopped by to see how he was doing. Hospice had just arrived to take care of him. My mother in law believed he had about a week left. I said "Hi Papi, I love you very much". He had stopped eating a few days before, he had stopped using the bathroom, and he had stopped speaking as well. When I said those words he made the slightest movement of his head. I think that movement took all of his energy but I knew he heard me. His eyes were barely open and he looked like a shell of who he was just weeks before. I came out of the room and burst into tears because I knew it wouldn't be much longer and I was going to miss his sweet presence in our lives. I left the house and it was hours later my in-laws called me to tell me he had passed away.

I love Papi and I know I'll see him again. PS I hope David is this cute when he's in his 80's :)